Stanford Chaparral

Scene 1

The film begins with a closeup of Tony's face, staring into the camera. Tony is wearing a dirty white T-shirt and a pair of plaid drawstring pants. He is unshaven. He simulates a ringing sound with his mouth and picks up the phone. "Hi, Chris. I'm just hanging around the house. I think it is time for sex." As he hangs up, Tony stretches, revealing his hairy belly. Lint beckons from his navel.

Scene 2

Tony walks to his computer. He inserts a CD with a knowing smile: "Eternal Flame" by the Bangles. Tony mouths the words as he clutches his shoulders.When the word "hand" appears in the song, Tony points to his crotch. Soon he becomes embarrassed and runs offscreen.

Scene 3

Tony draws glasses on his face with a tube of lipstick. "I'm a secretary," he says. He begins to dance, slowly, like a chicken. He starts clucking at a nearby pair of pants and waving his arms. The seductive dance continues for ten minutes. Tony collapses, breathing heavily. Footage continues for eight more minutes.

Scene 4

Tony is now attempting to complete a push-up. Failing, he crashes to the floor. "I got a hangnail!" he screams, and starts crying.When he tries to act like he's not crying, he starts crying harder. Spittle flies.

Scene 5

A closeup of the back of Tony's head, which is moving back and forth. He's making quacking noises. Nobody else is in the room.

Scene 6

A man is walking his bicycle through a park. He is wearing shorts that are too small; his haircut is unattractive. Somewhere offscreen, Tony is chanting in Spanish.

Scene 7

Tony is smoking a cigarette. He is trying not to cough. His T-shirt is pulled back up over his head, so that he's wearing only the sleeves. He rubs his belly and says, "I'm glad that I just had all of that sex. I'm liable to do that all the time. I--" Tony cuts off as he drops the cigarette on his chest; he flicks it off of him with a feeble yelp. The trauma of the accident is so overwhelming that he falls asleep.