MEN: On the first date, you should always pay.

WOMEN: On the first date, you should always earnestly offer to pay. Ask: "Are you sure?" (while reaching for your purse). When he refuses say, "All right."

MEN: Insist that it's fine. You really don't mind.

WOMEN: Insist that you will pay, grab his wallet and steal money out of it in front of him. Say: "Ha! Now you can't pay." Light the money on fire, just to show you really mean that you are going to pay the check.

MEN: A little confused, tell her that you will still pay. She can pay for dessert or something.

WOMEN: Reassert your right to pay for dinner. Bring out your stock portfolio and show that earnings have surpassed expectations this fiscal quarter. Call your broker over your date's protest, sell 35 shares of Microsoft and offer the money to him.

MEN: Say: No really, I’ve got this. It's my pleasure.

WOMEN: Insist you are wealthier and should therefore pay. Do not believe him when he says he can handle the expense. Hire an auditor and subpoena his last five tax returns. Even if he is wealthier, you still should fight to pay the check. Order another course just to ensure it's your fault the bill is so high.

MEN: Grab the check out of her hand and signal for the waiter.

WOMEN: Call in an expensive team of corporate attorneys and attempt a hostile takeover of the restaurant before your date can pay the check. Buy 49 percent of the stock but find yourself defeated when one elderly investor refuses to sell. Resign to not paying the check and eat your after-dinner mint. Say that you feel bad that he's paying when you really don't.

MEN: Now that the check has been paid, secretly hope that maybe your date will put out.

WOMEN: Don't put out.