Stilts are a tons of fun, kids, but remember: if you wear stilts, you are, in the eyes of the law, responsible for the crimes you commit at that height, because you will accordingly be tried as adults.

Tempting children to enter your van with throaty offers of candy, in the eyes of the law, is questionable. Better stick to backgammon.

In the eyes of the law, there’s no difference between Coke and Pepsi — both are renditions of sugar water whose future effects on your health are yet to be seen and therefore represent the potential for the largest class action suit in history, so drink up!

Stare at the sun all you like if it makes you happy — in the eyes of the law, you are within your rights but, being eyes, they would recommend wearing UV filtered sunglasses.

In the eyes of the law, a tort is a civil wrong, but in reality it is sometimes mistaken for a tart meaning: something very tasty or a prostitute, which would be ironic in the eyes of the law.