Nikola Tesla don’t get no respect. He invented Alternating Current electricity all by himself. Who is on the thousand dollar bill? Thomas Edison. Christ. What the hell did Edison ever do. Once, when Nikola Tesla worked for Edison he improved the DC by 25% in two months time because Edison said he’d pay Tesla fifty thousand dollars. Then he didn’t. Shit like that was always happening to Tesla.

Tesla was a crazy man. He would always do things in multiples of threes, like walking or chewing. He measured the volume of his food before he ate it. His employers always got bored of his crazy, brilliant ways and shut down his laboratory. Tycho Brahe was crazy too, he had a silver nose. That didn’t stop the King of Denmark from giving him an island called Science Island and dwarves to toss around. Tesla got none of that. He died surrounded by pigeons in a New York apartment.

Tesla was a nice guy generally, but that didn’t stop him from inventing a death ray. Do you how lucky we are that Tesla used his powers for good and not evil. We are fucking lucky. When Tesla was testing his death ray in 1908 he disintegrated an owl and most of the Tunguska wilderness. “Scientists” today say that Tunguska was destroyed by a comet. They know jack shit. Nikola Tesla was a real scientist.