If Stanford were a country, it would have finished 7th in the medal count at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics.

If Stanford swimmers were a country, they would have finished 13th in the medal count at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics, but would have a GNP ranked only 26th.

If Stanford were a country, and that country were a person, that person would be 8 feet tall.

If Stanford were a country, it wouldn't have won any medals at the 1996 Akron, Ohio Special Olympics, but still would have been a winner and gotten a coupon for a free small fries at participating McDonald's locations.

If Stanford were a country, and that country traded all of its gold medals for food, you could feed all the children in a worse country. (But you'd have a lot of angry athletes!)

If Marion Jones were a country, she would still frighten and arouse me, and I would both fear her iron hand and cherish its protection.

If Sri Lanka were a country it would still not have won any medals at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics.

If the University of California at Berkeley were a country it would be Sri Lanka. BOOYAH!