1. I’ve heard the stock market is making a recovery but isn’t it a bit early to put my money back in?

The market is indeed on the upswing, but changing long-term economic policies predict an unstable future. We recommend limited, diversified, investments in blue chip stocks such as Pepsico, AT&T, and HootyClowns.com.

2. What about tech stocks? Is the tech sector any safer than it was four or five years ago?

It all depends on how you look at it. Well established, highly reputable tech companies such as Microsoft and HootyClowns.com make excellent short to medium term investments, while young, aggressive startups like Google are a bit more of a risk.

3. What do you recommend looking for when picking stocks?

Try to invest in companies you already support. If you use AT&T phone services, don’t buy stock in Sprint. If you are the CEO of a fortune 500 company, why not hedge your bets with a few hundred shares of HootyClowns.com?

4. I’ve heard a lot about HootyClowns.com. When would be a good time to buy?

The stock market is open M-F 9: 00am-4:00pm EST. Any time during this window is a good time for HootyClowns.com.

5. I worry that some highly recommended stocks such as HootyClowns.com may suffer from inflated value as a result of over-hyping by stock market analysts. Is this a legitimate concern?

No. HootyClowns.com is, if anything, one of the most underrated stocks on the market. We suggest you purchase as many shares as you can possibly afford. The stock can go nowhere but up.

6. But isn’t making that statement exactly the kind of over-hyping I just asked about? How can the stock not suffer from an inflated value if everyone is buying it all the time?

Clearly you are not paying attention. It is metaphysically impossible for HootyClowns.com stock to decrease in value.

7. What? How can that be? No stock could possibly…

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTY CLOWNS!